Missing a lot of people tonight

The top photo is one of my favorite pictures. It's from right after we moved from the apartment in the city and into our house on Wildflower Drive. That's my Grandpa and Grandma Swayne with Mom, Jimmy and me in the photo. It's one of a very few photos I have of my Grandpa. I always told my parents that if they divorced I wasn't choosing between them - I was going to live with Grandma! (She would've taken me too - as you can see from the second picture.) Mom and I are the only ones left in the picture. That makes me really sad. Some day that little girl with the barrettes in her hair will be standing all alone. I thought Jimmy would be forever standing there next to me, but he won't. That makes me really sad too.

Haunts from high school

Well, this just stinks. For most any woman reading this, I'm sure you'll identify with parts of today's blog and experienced yourself the clique-based world of high school girls. I certainly did.

Kirsten started playing lacrosse in Jr. High after Uncle Jim got her interested during one of our Easter trip to visit them. Lacrosse was Jim's Spring sport in high school and he loved sharing it with her. Last year, she went out for the JV team and made it. Although Jim was sick, he called to find out about every game and how she did. Mom and I taped a few of the games for him to watch on days he wasn't up to going into work. The HF-L Varsity coach went to school with Jim and he'd asked Kirsten how Jim was whenever he saw her. It was something special she shared with her uncle. Kirsten loved playing and was tickled pink that Uncle Jim was so proud of her.

I could see that it was a tough season for Kirsten. I told her, Jim, & my mom, how proud I was of her for going out for the team. None of her friends were on the team and I knew that at 15, I certainly wouldn't have been a strong enough person to go it alone. It was rougher than I imagined. Lacrosse tryouts began this week and Kirsten ultimately decided she just couldn't stand being on a team where the other girls wouldn't talk to her. It was an awful decision to have to make — it was something she enjoyed and shared with the uncle she just lost. She didn't want him to be disappointed in her.

I know that just about all of us has an experience running up against the clique in high school, but it just broke my heart that this one took something away from my daughter that can't be replaced. Jim's not here to tell her that he understands; that he's still proud of her for just being her; that the best part of sharing lacrosse with her was tossing the ball around together. She has to take my word for it on those things and I hope that's enough.

Willis Berg Kling

Big Little Sister's comment reminded me very late last night that I'd wanted to post yesterday, but Kai got sick, Mark came home early to take her to the vets, and I got distracted until it was too late.

Yesterday was leap day - February 29th. It was also 20 years since Mark's dad, Willis Berg Kling, "Bill," passed away. In my brain, I know that I've been part of this family since before Kirsten was born 15+ years ago and I never met him; but to listen to Big Sister, Big Little Sister, and "Bro" (as the two of them call him) talk about their dad, I can't imagine that he's been physically out of their lives for that long. The years passed in one's brain versus in one's heart just don't seem to add up. He's still very much a part of their daily consciousness. I love to listen to them tell stories of him, and describe how each of them is like him in particular ways. We gave Sean his middle name - Sean Willis Kling - in memory of Mark's dad.
One of the biggest compliments I ever received from Mark was during a conversation about his dad. He said to me "I wish you had met him. He would've liked you." Knowing my husband, that said "I love you" more than any other words he could've said to me. I wish I had met him too. From the stories I hear, he was one hell of a guy. I would've liked him back.