Tough words from my dad. I was teenager at the time and complained to him about something not being fair between Jimmy and me. I don't even remember what it was I complained about, but I sure do remember those words. I also remember the words that followed. The ones that told of how he watched life be unfair to his mom and my mom because they were women. He didn't want to see his daughter have the same life as his mom. He knew I had to be tough. In his mind, tougher than Jimmy, because I was going to need to stand up to a lot of crap thrown my way because I was female. I was going to have to fight to be seen as smart and allowed in honors and AP classes. I was going to have to fight to get into a technical program at college. I was going to have to fight for the same pay for the same job as a man. I was going to have to stand up to overt and subtle sexist prejudice every day. For the most part, he was right.
I share this story because my parents were my parents. Their job was to raise a self-assured, smart, compassionate, productive adult. They never tried to be my best friend. I had plenty of those my own age. As I've raised my own children, I realize that it is difficult to provide parental guidance and discipline. It's so much easier to "let it slide" and hope for the best. However, that always seems to backfire. I've learned along the way that discipline isn't punishment. It's a natural consequence to an action. Sometimes those natural consequences are just as uncomfortable for me as they are my kids. When I start to squirm, I remember how much love was in my dad's voice as he explained why he was so hard on me sometimes. I was his little girl. I'm sure he was thinking about how difficult it is to be a parent then too.
I'm grateful for the example my parents set. I try every day to be a good parent to my children. They won't always like it, but I hope someday they'll say the words to me that I now say to my parents - "Thank you for being a parent. Thank you for showing me how to stand up for myself, to understand that actions have consequences, that I need to treat others fairly, and that no matter what, you will always be there for me and my kids."
