Friday, March 11, 2011

I'm tired and I want it to stop

In 2006, my brother was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer. He fought for a year before the beast won. It was an awful year. The stress of waiting for test results. The highs when treatment was working. The lows when treatment stopped working. The fear of the unknown - What's next? What's left to try? Can we win? The nightmares, the cold sweats, the panic. One would believe that once you lose the battle, taking the one you love, that cancer moves on. But cancer truly sucks. Once it invades your life, it doesn't ever let go. You're changed by it. It becomes part of your subconscious, ready to jump to your conscious thoughts at any second. The pain courses through your veins, lying in wait to seize up your heart. Every time you hear of someone with a cancer diagnosis, your feel for them and their families. You know the fight against the beast is difficult, tiring, painful, and it now has more people in its clutches. Your heart breaks. Cancer chips another little piece of your heart. It leaves another wound.

I want it to stop hurting the people I know and love. I want it to go away. I'm tired and I want it to stop.

2 comments:

Kate said...

YES. ME TOO. I almost posted a similar blog yesterday. It does chip away at your heart. I'm sorry. :(

Mojosmom said...

I know, Jude, I know....

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