Off to do the impossible

I signed myself up to run the Boilermaker in Utica on Sunday. It is a 15K race (that's 9.3 miles for the metric-challenged in the house.) You'll notice that it's uphill for the first 4 miles, then downhill for 2, up again for another 1.25. The remainder will be cake if I'm still upright. I didn't look at this elevation map before I signed up. If I did, I might have thought twice about it. Although, thinking twice probably wouldn't have stopped me. You see, I've become all about accomplishing what I believe is impossible and gaining control. Well, truth be told, I've always been about being in control, but it's gone off the deep end with running lately.

I saw my job as an older sister to be a bit like a police officer - I was there to serve and protect. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't do it. I couldn't do the impossible. I couldn't make him better. I couldn't find his cure. I couldn't protect him. That REALLY bothers me. It also makes me realize that no matter how hard I try, I also can't protect my kids, or his kids, or Mark, or my parents, or anyone else I care about. So in my mixed up, control-freak mind, I'm controlling myself - attempting to accomplish physical feats that I would normally consider impossible. Seriously? Run UPHILL for 4 miles and then continue on running for another 5? Run 13.1 miles? Run 26.2 miles? Get real! I get winded carrying the laundry basket up the stairs. But I'm damn sure gonna control SOMETHING and so this my friends is it. So off I go to Utica tomorrow. On Sunday morning at 8am, I'll start up that 4 mile hill, wearing my "Remembering Jim" shirt, trying to convince myself that I'm in control and the impossible can happen.