I kiddingly call my husband my own "idiot savant." The man can't seem to remember to take out the garbage every Wednesday, but he can look into the sky and name any plane going by - the manufacturer, where it was built, the type of engines it uses, the airline that's flying it, other airlines that fly it, and a myriad of other details that make my head spin.
Perhaps what attracted me to him...after he got down off the ladder and I took my eyes off his cute 29-year old butt...was his ability to intelligently discuss practically anything the news services could put in front of us. My favorite day of the week is Sunday (as long as it's not a shooting day - then he's out the door, over/under in hand, before I get the first sip of java in!). We've got our coffee, a big old newspaper spread between the two of us, and great conversation.
I usually can keep up with him, but I have to say this time he's got me. He tore through a book called "Saxons, Vikings, and Celts: The Genetic Roots of Britain and Ireland." He would read me passages from it. From how excited he was about it, it sounded like one fantastic book. OH MY GOD - IT'S BORING! It's like reading Genesis 36 or 2nd Numbers where they go on and on about tribes and who belongs to who. And this after reading Jodi Picoult's "The Tenth Circle." I'm trying, I really am. But I stare off into space and think about all the other books on the bookshelf calling to me - "Judi, come read me. I'm fun. I'm an easy read. I won't make you think!"
Hmmm...I believe my friend Melissa needs her "Any Place I Hang My Hat" book back, I'd better switch over to that book, so as to not inconvenience her by keeping it too long. :-)
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Monday, February 25, 2008
No more "Oh, that's too bad."
That was what I said when I heard about someone who died. "Oh, that's too bad." I sent a sympathy card. Sometimes I went to calling hours or the funeral. Then my life moved on.
This past weekend, I heard the sister of one of my high school friends and college roommate, past away from cancer. My faithful words "Oh, that's too bad." never came into my head. Instead, I relived our last few weeks with Jimmy and then the time leading up to the funeral, and this past five months. My heart wept for what my friend will have to endure. It won't be exactly the same as me, but I'm willing to bet that it'll hurt just as much.
I'm sorry for her and her family in a way I never imagined possible.
This past weekend, I heard the sister of one of my high school friends and college roommate, past away from cancer. My faithful words "Oh, that's too bad." never came into my head. Instead, I relived our last few weeks with Jimmy and then the time leading up to the funeral, and this past five months. My heart wept for what my friend will have to endure. It won't be exactly the same as me, but I'm willing to bet that it'll hurt just as much.
I'm sorry for her and her family in a way I never imagined possible.
Friday, February 22, 2008
The Spirit of the Marathon
My neighbor, and used-to-be running partner (before she became gainfully employed), talked me into going to The Spirit of the Marathon movie last night. It was really pretty good. Neither of us thought we'd survive 2 hours of watching other people prepare for and run the Chicago Marathon in 2005, but we did. It held our interest and semi-motivated us. I thought "Okay, I can do the Disney Marathon once I get over this foot problem." She thought "Okay, I guess I can start running again." ;-) Not sure I want to do a big city marathon like Chicago. I'm not a city-girl, nor do I care for crowds...so 40,000+ people all jammed into the lakefront roads of Chicago doesn't really sound appealing to me. But Disney just sounds like fun and that's what I'm looking for. One of the highlighted runners in the movie ran across the finish line in 6+ hours. Heck, I think I can do that! (Famous last words.)
Thursday, February 21, 2008
"In Defense of Secularism" by Lisa Miller
Newsweek February 25, 2008
In the public school I went to in the 1970s, "secular" was a neutral, descriptive word. Our social-studies teacher taught us that ours was a "secular" government, by which she meant that we lived free of any religion established by the state. We were to be proud of this secular government, she told us; it differentiated us from people in other times and places where those speaking for God made the rules—rules that sometimes were corrupt and unfair. As I understood it then, "secular" had nothing to do with disavowing or disapproving of any particular belief in God.
"Secular" does mean "godless," and its neutral meaning has always fought with the more negative one; recently, though, the word has taken on a lot more freight. Like the words "feminist" and "liberal," "secular" and its derivatives have come to mean extreme versions of themselves. They are code in conservative Christian circles for "atheist" or even "God hating"—they conjure, in a fresh way, all the demons Christian conservatives have been fighting for more than 30 years: liberalism, sexual permissiveness and moral lassitude. The Fox News star Bill O'Reilly frequently frames the culture war as "traditionals versus secular-progressives." Ann Coulter accused "the liberals and the secularists and atheists" of using religion as a wedge. In a speech last year, Newt Gingrich decried the "growing culture of radical secularism," and in a new book the diplomat John Bolton critiques "the High Minded elite who worship at the altar of the Secular Pope." In politics, where it is efficacious to unite people against a common enemy, "secularism" has become that enemy's new name.
To be fair, battles in the war against secularism have been fought for about 150 years, dating back to a time when discoveries in science (especially those of Charles Darwin) and a disenchantment with organized religion led a critical mass of mostly European intellectuals to declare that one could lead a moral life independent of God. By the middle of the 20th century, their heirs had coined the term "secular humanism," to mean a concern with values but not with religion, and the Rev. Jerry Falwell took particular aim at them. In 1986, he proclaimed that secular humanists "challenge every principle on which America was founded," including "abortion on demand, recognition of homosexuals, free use of pornography, legalizing of prostitution and gambling, and free use of drugs." Pope Benedict XVI speaks out frequently against the dangers of secularism.
What's new about the assault on secularism is how, among conservative pundits, it's become almost shorthand. O'Reilly doesn't have to list secularism's sins as Falwell did; he has only to utter the word. And the so-called secularists are hardly helping their own case. Aware that no group is more reviled in America than atheists, and reeling from all the attention atheists have gotten from recent best-selling books, some nonbelievers prefer to wrap themselves in a safer label: "secularist." This rhetorical deflection only makes them targets. Secularist equals nonbeliever; nonbeliever equals immoral God-hater. "It's red meat for the pundits," says Greg Epstein, Harvard's humanist chaplain. He prefers the word "humanist."
Language evolves. "Secular" was first used in the Middle Ages to mean things and people not belonging to the church—as Webster's puts it, "not overtly or specifically religious; not ecclesiastical or clerical." This remains its best and most important meaning. In this great experiment that is American democracy, "secular" is the only word we have to describe the idea, handed down by the Founders, that our leaders do not belong to God, they belong to us.
© 2008 Newsweek, Inc.
And now...
From a campaign speech given in Warren, MI.
"I have opponents in this race who do not want to change the Constitution. But I believe it’s a lot easier to change the Constitution than it would be to change the word of the living God. And that’s what we need to do is amend the Constitution so it’s in God’s standards rather than trying to change God’s standards so it lines up with some contemporary view of how we treat each other and how we treat the family."
Here's a link to the YouTube video in case anyone thinks Huckabee's being misquoted:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=onHkywYc_1M
A friend recommended a book called "The Handmaid's Tale" by Margaret Atwood. It was a great book about a Christian Fundamentalist religion overthrowing the United States government. The copy I read had a reference section where the author looked at historical governments and how they came to power by attacking the fringes where most people wouldn't complain, and slowly moving the "fringes" in. As you read about the book, you think "This could never happen." But as you read the book and it's associated reference section, you realize "It most definitely could happen." You can read more about it http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Handmaid's_Tale
In the public school I went to in the 1970s, "secular" was a neutral, descriptive word. Our social-studies teacher taught us that ours was a "secular" government, by which she meant that we lived free of any religion established by the state. We were to be proud of this secular government, she told us; it differentiated us from people in other times and places where those speaking for God made the rules—rules that sometimes were corrupt and unfair. As I understood it then, "secular" had nothing to do with disavowing or disapproving of any particular belief in God.
"Secular" does mean "godless," and its neutral meaning has always fought with the more negative one; recently, though, the word has taken on a lot more freight. Like the words "feminist" and "liberal," "secular" and its derivatives have come to mean extreme versions of themselves. They are code in conservative Christian circles for "atheist" or even "God hating"—they conjure, in a fresh way, all the demons Christian conservatives have been fighting for more than 30 years: liberalism, sexual permissiveness and moral lassitude. The Fox News star Bill O'Reilly frequently frames the culture war as "traditionals versus secular-progressives." Ann Coulter accused "the liberals and the secularists and atheists" of using religion as a wedge. In a speech last year, Newt Gingrich decried the "growing culture of radical secularism," and in a new book the diplomat John Bolton critiques "the High Minded elite who worship at the altar of the Secular Pope." In politics, where it is efficacious to unite people against a common enemy, "secularism" has become that enemy's new name.
To be fair, battles in the war against secularism have been fought for about 150 years, dating back to a time when discoveries in science (especially those of Charles Darwin) and a disenchantment with organized religion led a critical mass of mostly European intellectuals to declare that one could lead a moral life independent of God. By the middle of the 20th century, their heirs had coined the term "secular humanism," to mean a concern with values but not with religion, and the Rev. Jerry Falwell took particular aim at them. In 1986, he proclaimed that secular humanists "challenge every principle on which America was founded," including "abortion on demand, recognition of homosexuals, free use of pornography, legalizing of prostitution and gambling, and free use of drugs." Pope Benedict XVI speaks out frequently against the dangers of secularism.
What's new about the assault on secularism is how, among conservative pundits, it's become almost shorthand. O'Reilly doesn't have to list secularism's sins as Falwell did; he has only to utter the word. And the so-called secularists are hardly helping their own case. Aware that no group is more reviled in America than atheists, and reeling from all the attention atheists have gotten from recent best-selling books, some nonbelievers prefer to wrap themselves in a safer label: "secularist." This rhetorical deflection only makes them targets. Secularist equals nonbeliever; nonbeliever equals immoral God-hater. "It's red meat for the pundits," says Greg Epstein, Harvard's humanist chaplain. He prefers the word "humanist."
Language evolves. "Secular" was first used in the Middle Ages to mean things and people not belonging to the church—as Webster's puts it, "not overtly or specifically religious; not ecclesiastical or clerical." This remains its best and most important meaning. In this great experiment that is American democracy, "secular" is the only word we have to describe the idea, handed down by the Founders, that our leaders do not belong to God, they belong to us.
© 2008 Newsweek, Inc.
And now...
From a campaign speech given in Warren, MI.
"I have opponents in this race who do not want to change the Constitution. But I believe it’s a lot easier to change the Constitution than it would be to change the word of the living God. And that’s what we need to do is amend the Constitution so it’s in God’s standards rather than trying to change God’s standards so it lines up with some contemporary view of how we treat each other and how we treat the family."
Here's a link to the YouTube video in case anyone thinks Huckabee's being misquoted:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=onHkywYc_1M
A friend recommended a book called "The Handmaid's Tale" by Margaret Atwood. It was a great book about a Christian Fundamentalist religion overthrowing the United States government. The copy I read had a reference section where the author looked at historical governments and how they came to power by attacking the fringes where most people wouldn't complain, and slowly moving the "fringes" in. As you read about the book, you think "This could never happen." But as you read the book and it's associated reference section, you realize "It most definitely could happen." You can read more about it http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Handmaid's_Tale
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Now this makes me happy...
When Jim worked at the Kohler Company, his email still traveled through International Paper's servers. When he'd get a large attachment, it'd take forever to download from IP's mail server to his laptop on Kohler's network. Unfortunately, I was usually the dumb-ass who sent him the large attachments. I remember one phone call that went something like this:
"Hey Jude."
"Hi Jim. What's up?"
"Nothing. I'm sitting here waiting for an email with a large attachment to download. God, I hate when that happens. It takes forever."
Chat, chat, chat...
"HEY! The attachment's from YOU!"
"Ohhhh, yeah. Sorry. (giggle nervously) It's a PDF for Kate on how to make the perfect pizza."
"Thanks you (can't remember exactly what name he called me). Well, now I can finally get to work. Talk to you later."
I send him another email telling him I was sorry and I promise not to do it again. (This wasn't the first time I'd done it to him and gotten yelled at!)
A little while later an email arrives from Jim. It had an attachment. I opened it and saw it was a picture of Jim's head. I've included it here. It made me laugh and laugh until I cried. I originally thought he did it just for me...but it gets better. The caption was for me, but I find out after Jim died that the photo was one Jim had put on a T-shirt for Kate's Dad - Tom. He had even named the file with a funny name - "My Big Head." Can you imagine opening a box and finding a T-shirt with your son-in-law's face on it? Too funny. I'm sure it was quite the joke for a long time in the Ferguson family. I hope Tom still has the T-shirt and the smile on it makes him happy too.
"Hey Jude."
"Hi Jim. What's up?"
"Nothing. I'm sitting here waiting for an email with a large attachment to download. God, I hate when that happens. It takes forever."
Chat, chat, chat...
"HEY! The attachment's from YOU!"
"Ohhhh, yeah. Sorry. (giggle nervously) It's a PDF for Kate on how to make the perfect pizza."
"Thanks you (can't remember exactly what name he called me). Well, now I can finally get to work. Talk to you later."
I send him another email telling him I was sorry and I promise not to do it again. (This wasn't the first time I'd done it to him and gotten yelled at!)
A little while later an email arrives from Jim. It had an attachment. I opened it and saw it was a picture of Jim's head. I've included it here. It made me laugh and laugh until I cried. I originally thought he did it just for me...but it gets better. The caption was for me, but I find out after Jim died that the photo was one Jim had put on a T-shirt for Kate's Dad - Tom. He had even named the file with a funny name - "My Big Head." Can you imagine opening a box and finding a T-shirt with your son-in-law's face on it? Too funny. I'm sure it was quite the joke for a long time in the Ferguson family. I hope Tom still has the T-shirt and the smile on it makes him happy too.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Even happy things make me sad
The other day, Mark and the kids somehow ended up chasing each other around the house with Nerf dart guns. They were having a blast, as you can see in the photos. The house was filled with laughter. And yet, here I was really, really sad.
I was upset that Rachel, Jake, and Jim won't have times like these. As both Kate and I have said before "There must've been a mistake made." Any day now, they can tell us there was a mistake - they meant to take the child-molesting, serial killer and give him cancer, not the devoted and loving husband and father of two small children. And then they can give us our Jimmy back.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Conversations I missed
These are three conversations I wasn't able to have with Jim.
Me "Hey, guess what? Your nephew signed up for wrestling! Can you believe it?"
Jim "That's great. David and Richard used to wrestling. Do you remember?
Me "Yep. I actually found the newspaper clippings Rich sent me from Bitburg when he won that title in Germany."
Jim "Really? I don't remember ever seeing the articles. Scan 'em and send them to me. I'd like to see them."
Me "Okay."
Jim "So does Sean like it?"
Me "Yeah, he does. Although I'm not sure if he likes the wrestling or the dodge ball they get to play before and after practice. We have to arrive 30 minutes before practice starts so he's right there for dodgeball."
Jim (laughing) "I used to love dodgeball when we played in gym class."
Me "Oh! We aren't allowed to call it gym class anymore or play dodgeball! That's probably why he likes playing it at practice so much."
Jim "I remember the time I was playing dodgeball and (insert childhood friend's name) kept getting me out. I was ticked. So me and (insert other childhood friends' names) ganged up on him. (laughing) We hoarded all the balls on our side of the gym, then we let loose on him. We must've pelted him with about sixteen balls. He had red marks on him the size of grapefruits!"
Me "Hey. We went to Sean's first wrestling tournament today. Actually, Mark had to work, so it was just me, Mom & Dad."
Jim "How'd he do?"
Me "He won his first match with a pin. Lost his second match on points. And then won his third on points."
Jim "That's fantastic! Tell him I said good job. Did you take any pictures?"
Me "Yeah, but I forgot my camera and had to use Mom & Dad's camera. Luckily I caught them before they left the house. I have to say though that it wasn't as interesting as football. I was pretty bored for most of it. It was REALLY LONG! We were there from 9:30 - 3! I was hungry and my butt hurt from sitting on the bleachers by the time we finished."
Jim (laughing) "Stop whining."
Me "Oh sure, easy for you to say - you didn't have to sit there with me. Mom and Dad said it was better than the cheerleading competitions they had to sit through for me, but I'm not sure I believe them because they bailed on me after the second match!"
Jim "I'll be sure to tease them about it when I talk to them next time. Send me some of the pictures. Is Sean there? I want to tell him congratulations."
Me "Hey - we had another match tonight."
Jim "How'd Sean do?"
Me "He won both of his matches. One with a pin. The second one the kid kept crawling off the mat to get the ref to blow the whistle. Wimp!"
Jim (laughing) "Well, Jude, they do that because (insert reason he knew, but I could care less about)"
Me "Yeah, yeah. You and Mark are all over this wrestling thing. I was hungry again and my butt hurt WORSE last night."
Jim "I'm sure Mark appreciated your whining."
Me "Yeah, he was pretty annoyed with me by the end of the night. He told me that he'd handle wrestling from now on. I could stay home."
Jim "You wouldn't really stay home, would you?"
Me "No. Of course not. But now I have to stop whining or he'll leave me home."
Jim (laughing) "Good for Mark. He should leave you home. Next time take your stadium seat that I bought you and pack some food."
Me "Yeah, yeah. Hey, I got some great shots with my camera this time. I got the sequence of pictures where Sean pins his first opponent and where the ref raises Sean's hand signaling he's the winner. Then I've got lots of pictures of that second kid army crawling with Sean on his back to the edge of the mat. Wimp. I'll send them to you."
Jim "I'd like to see them. Put Sean on so I can talk to him."
Me "Okay - catch ya later. Give my love to Rach & Jake. Say Hi to Kate for me."
Just every day conversations. I miss them...a lot.
Me "Hey, guess what? Your nephew signed up for wrestling! Can you believe it?"
Jim "That's great. David and Richard used to wrestling. Do you remember?
Me "Yep. I actually found the newspaper clippings Rich sent me from Bitburg when he won that title in Germany."
Jim "Really? I don't remember ever seeing the articles. Scan 'em and send them to me. I'd like to see them."
Me "Okay."
Jim "So does Sean like it?"
Me "Yeah, he does. Although I'm not sure if he likes the wrestling or the dodge ball they get to play before and after practice. We have to arrive 30 minutes before practice starts so he's right there for dodgeball."
Jim (laughing) "I used to love dodgeball when we played in gym class."
Me "Oh! We aren't allowed to call it gym class anymore or play dodgeball! That's probably why he likes playing it at practice so much."
Jim "I remember the time I was playing dodgeball and (insert childhood friend's name) kept getting me out. I was ticked. So me and (insert other childhood friends' names) ganged up on him. (laughing) We hoarded all the balls on our side of the gym, then we let loose on him. We must've pelted him with about sixteen balls. He had red marks on him the size of grapefruits!"
Me "Hey. We went to Sean's first wrestling tournament today. Actually, Mark had to work, so it was just me, Mom & Dad."
Jim "How'd he do?"
Me "He won his first match with a pin. Lost his second match on points. And then won his third on points."
Jim "That's fantastic! Tell him I said good job. Did you take any pictures?"
Me "Yeah, but I forgot my camera and had to use Mom & Dad's camera. Luckily I caught them before they left the house. I have to say though that it wasn't as interesting as football. I was pretty bored for most of it. It was REALLY LONG! We were there from 9:30 - 3! I was hungry and my butt hurt from sitting on the bleachers by the time we finished."
Jim (laughing) "Stop whining."
Me "Oh sure, easy for you to say - you didn't have to sit there with me. Mom and Dad said it was better than the cheerleading competitions they had to sit through for me, but I'm not sure I believe them because they bailed on me after the second match!"
Jim "I'll be sure to tease them about it when I talk to them next time. Send me some of the pictures. Is Sean there? I want to tell him congratulations."
Me "Hey - we had another match tonight."Jim "How'd Sean do?"
Me "He won both of his matches. One with a pin. The second one the kid kept crawling off the mat to get the ref to blow the whistle. Wimp!"
Jim (laughing) "Well, Jude, they do that because (insert reason he knew, but I could care less about)"
Me "Yeah, yeah. You and Mark are all over this wrestling thing. I was hungry again and my butt hurt WORSE last night."
Jim "I'm sure Mark appreciated your whining."
Me "Yeah, he was pretty annoyed with me by the end of the night. He told me that he'd handle wrestling from now on. I could stay home."
Jim "You wouldn't really stay home, would you?"
Me "No. Of course not. But now I have to stop whining or he'll leave me home."
Jim (laughing) "Good for Mark. He should leave you home. Next time take your stadium seat that I bought you and pack some food."
Me "Yeah, yeah. Hey, I got some great shots with my camera this time. I got the sequence of pictures where Sean pins his first opponent and where the ref raises Sean's hand signaling he's the winner. Then I've got lots of pictures of that second kid army crawling with Sean on his back to the edge of the mat. Wimp. I'll send them to you."
Jim "I'd like to see them. Put Sean on so I can talk to him."
Me "Okay - catch ya later. Give my love to Rach & Jake. Say Hi to Kate for me."
Just every day conversations. I miss them...a lot.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
A goal
So here's my deal - in case anyone missed it, I'm competitive, very competitive. I like to see how far I can push myself compared to others. In my pursuit of running, I was happy to drag James Robert along with me in the fight for competitive sibling superiority. Here's a typical conversation -
"Hey Jude. I ran X miles this morning at 6am after I fed Jake and put him back to bed."
Judi's brain "Damn. 6am?? Crap, I can't run that early. He's got me."
Judi's words "That's great Jim."
Judi's brain again "Resolve to run X + 1 mile on my next run - if I can't run earlier, I'll run longer."
With Jim went what you might call my "competitive edge." Without my lifelong cheerleader and main competitor, I'm floundering in the push-it department. I decided that I need a reasonable and competitive goal against all I've got left...myself. So here's my pronouncement -
So there's my goal - now to sink my "bull-dog" teeth into it and not let go! Let the competition begin.
"Hey Jude. I ran X miles this morning at 6am after I fed Jake and put him back to bed."
Judi's brain "Damn. 6am?? Crap, I can't run that early. He's got me."
Judi's words "That's great Jim."
Judi's brain again "Resolve to run X + 1 mile on my next run - if I can't run earlier, I'll run longer."
With Jim went what you might call my "competitive edge." Without my lifelong cheerleader and main competitor, I'm floundering in the push-it department. I decided that I need a reasonable and competitive goal against all I've got left...myself. So here's my pronouncement -
In 2013, I'm going to take my sister-in-law, niece and nephew to Disney World and I'm going to run the Disney Marathon - all 26.2 miles of it - in memory of Jim.I know you're thinking "2013? Why 2013?" Well, there's actually some thought behind my madness. It will be just a few months over five years without Jim. I told him that five years after he was cured, we'd celebrate by running the Disney marathon together. (He gave me some lame excuses about kids and time to train, but I would've won out if he'd beat the cancer.) We went to Disney World together with my kids in March 2003. Kirsten was 10 and Sean was 5. In January of 2013, when the marathon runs, Rachel will be 9 and Jake will be 6.
So there's my goal - now to sink my "bull-dog" teeth into it and not let go! Let the competition begin.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Oh my god, I need SLEEP...
Mark's snoring. Well snoring isn't exactly descriptive of the sounds and motions coming from his side of the bed. He starts off with a rattle, kind of a wheeze. I've sat there reading and thought "Hmmmm... the man's mouth is closed. How the heck is he making that sound?" And "Why doesn't it wake him up?"
I've tried ear plugs - they can get me asleep through the rattling. But about 2 am, the snoring and jerking starts. If the loud snoring noises don't wake me up, him jerking himself awake and then flopping around to shift positions does.
I've tried sleeping on the couch. That's animal territory and they aren't pleased someone is sleeping in their domain. I've gotten licked, sniffed, purred, and batted at.
Then I tried sleeping with a kid. They move A LOT! And they kick. I've got the bruises to prove it.
I've even tried a little Advil PM - the PM part doesn't help in the early AM when the ruckus starts.
I know he doesn't do it on purpose and he'd stop if he could. But gosh darn it, I NEED SOME SLEEP.:-( We've got an appt at Strong next week - wish me luck!
I've tried ear plugs - they can get me asleep through the rattling. But about 2 am, the snoring and jerking starts. If the loud snoring noises don't wake me up, him jerking himself awake and then flopping around to shift positions does.
I've tried sleeping on the couch. That's animal territory and they aren't pleased someone is sleeping in their domain. I've gotten licked, sniffed, purred, and batted at.
Then I tried sleeping with a kid. They move A LOT! And they kick. I've got the bruises to prove it.
I've even tried a little Advil PM - the PM part doesn't help in the early AM when the ruckus starts.
I know he doesn't do it on purpose and he'd stop if he could. But gosh darn it, I NEED SOME SLEEP.:-( We've got an appt at Strong next week - wish me luck!
Monday, February 11, 2008
Tears are words the heart can't express
Yesterday I spoke with Kate. Something had happened in the past few days that she said "made her sad about Jim." She repeated that phrase often during the retelling of her story. As I struggled for words to express the overwhelming sorrow and sympathy in my heart for her, I realized how inadequate words really are for my family right now. I knew in the depth of my soul that "sad" wasn't anywhere close to what Kate felt. I also knew that the "I'm so sorry" that I kept repeating in response wasn't anywhere close to the sorrow I was trying to express. Sadness and sorrow are like colors - they can be light, dark, muddied, vivid, mottled... I only had my heart to understand the color of her sadness and I hope that her heart saw the color of my sorrow. I cried last night because I just couldn't find the words; my sadness and sorrow overwhelming my brain and it's capacity for language. I so wanted her to know that I got it, I felt it in my heart, I understood what she was telling me, but the words failed me. In the end, I hope our heart did their parts and Kate knew the color of my sorrow.
Sunday, February 03, 2008
All needs to be fair with Easter Baskets...
When I was a kid, I had a pretty little Easter Basket. The bunny filled it quite nicely and it was small enough for EB to hide in some pretty good spots Easter morning. Then Jimmy came along. There must've been a surplus on basket weaving materials that year because his basket was HUGE! It was at least twice the size of mine. And he never let me forget it. I'm sure EB was fair, but boy, I was sure envious of that big old basket Jimmy had.
Fast forward to 2003. I'm very excited that I'm going to be an Aunt. (I think I was more excited to be an Aunt than a parent!) I get invited to one of those Longaberger basket parties and spend about $100 on a gorgeous Easter basket for my soon-to-be niece. No teeny, tiny, made in China basket for my niece. Her basket wasn't quite as big as her Daddy's, but it was much bigger than the one Aunt Judi had.
Fast forward a little more to June 2006. I'm thrilled to be an Aunt again.
"Jim, I want to buy Jake a Longaberger Easter basket like I did for Rachel."
"Okay Jude, that'd be great."
(Note that it's June and Easter won't be rolling around again until the following April.)
Fast forward to right before Easter 2007.
"Hi Jude, are you buying Jake an Easter basket? We just wanted to check because we'll get him one if you aren't. It's okay either way, just let me know."
"OH CRAP! Yes, I want to buy him one. I'll have it by the time I get out there in two weeks for Easter. I promise."
I scramble to bid on Longaberger Easter baskets on eBay. Whew - I got one that looks really cute. Different from Rachel's, but it looks good. I arrive in Kohler about the same time as the basket. It's tiny compared to Rachel's. My heart falls...my nephew can't spend every Easter envious of his sister's Easter basket, but I'm sort of stuck at this point.
Well, Aunt Judi just made good on her obsessive need for all to be fair in the world of Easter baskets. I bought Jake the exact same Longaberger Easter basket as Rachel on eBay yesterday. Hers is whitewashed and his is brown, but the basket is the same. YEAH! Let the chocolate bunny fest begin!
Easter 1975 in our outfits made by Grandma Swayne
Fast forward to 2003. I'm very excited that I'm going to be an Aunt. (I think I was more excited to be an Aunt than a parent!) I get invited to one of those Longaberger basket parties and spend about $100 on a gorgeous Easter basket for my soon-to-be niece. No teeny, tiny, made in China basket for my niece. Her basket wasn't quite as big as her Daddy's, but it was much bigger than the one Aunt Judi had.
Fast forward a little more to June 2006. I'm thrilled to be an Aunt again.
"Jim, I want to buy Jake a Longaberger Easter basket like I did for Rachel."
"Okay Jude, that'd be great."
(Note that it's June and Easter won't be rolling around again until the following April.)
Fast forward to right before Easter 2007.
"Hi Jude, are you buying Jake an Easter basket? We just wanted to check because we'll get him one if you aren't. It's okay either way, just let me know."
"OH CRAP! Yes, I want to buy him one. I'll have it by the time I get out there in two weeks for Easter. I promise."
I scramble to bid on Longaberger Easter baskets on eBay. Whew - I got one that looks really cute. Different from Rachel's, but it looks good. I arrive in Kohler about the same time as the basket. It's tiny compared to Rachel's. My heart falls...my nephew can't spend every Easter envious of his sister's Easter basket, but I'm sort of stuck at this point.
Well, Aunt Judi just made good on her obsessive need for all to be fair in the world of Easter baskets. I bought Jake the exact same Longaberger Easter basket as Rachel on eBay yesterday. Hers is whitewashed and his is brown, but the basket is the same. YEAH! Let the chocolate bunny fest begin!
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